Friday, December 31, 2010

"You're Fat Because You're Fat"

Before starting down the long and winding road of weight loss I did what everyone tells you, you must do, I consulted my physican.  I went to several doctors in fact trying to get answers and direction for the road ahead. I have always had trouble losing weight, and a lot of overweight people will say the same thing.  We've all been lost out there looking for a miracle, some of us have even gotten down to business and really, really tried, and a lot of us have hit road blocks that we really weren't expecting.

For me it was having several doctor visits over the course of 18 months, for various problems, from heavy periods to a weird red mark on my foot that remains a medical mystery, and being told all my problems stemmed from my weight and that like the title says  I am fat because I am fat.  It became a private joke between my husband and me in every waiting room we sat, for whatever reason I was sitting there that my problem would be caused by my being fat.  That sore throat is because your fat, if you had been thin you could have avoided a sick person, my husbands favorite joke is that if I came in with a bullet wound, I got shot because I'm fat and a bigger target.  Its frustrating to be told that every problem stems from your weight and you can't loose weight because of your weight. 

They call it weight loss resistant, and a lot of things can cause this from hormone imbalances to pre-diabetes and a few other things in between.  In my case I was sent to see an endocrinologist because my estrogen levels where high(because I'm fat) and was told before I went that short of going on birth control, which causes me to gain incredible amounts of weight, the problem would only get worse as I lost weight because it would release more stored estrogen in my body.  This could in turn cause to me to gain more weight.  So i get to the endocrinologist who takes one look at me and says I'm insulin resistant, or pre-diabetic and need to go on metformin immediately. Then a month later when my blood tests come in showing my sugar levels are completely fine he not only keeps me on the medicine I don't need, but doubles my dose.Another doctor telling me that even though my tests show only an estrogen problem, which could just be genetic, that I'm fat so that means I'm pre-diabetic and need to be on insulin controlling medication, the side effects of which make me feel like I have the stomach flu every day.

 I've been put down for my weight by a lot of people, and to date about fifteen doctors.  Its hard enough to have a weight problem, then you go to the people you trust to help you and instead of a plan you get another lecture about how you should just stop eating so much and work out at least 30 mins a day.  I got a 10 minute rant about not eating cookies from a dermatologist, and at the time i was eating a strict low carb diet because my endocrinologist had just told me i was going to die from diabetes and doing the insanity program at least 45 mins a day, I hadn't eaten a cookie in five months.  But because I'm fat that means I don't know how to eat or what exercise is. I have always had access to a gym, but every time I use it I get followed around like I'm trying to steal something and watched like a hawk in case I break something, its hard to work out when every 5 mins someone is asking you if you need help or if you know what your doing.  I've worked out in 8 different gyms, used every kind of equipment made, and logged more hours then they've probably worked there. But sure show me how to work this machine for the third time this month since apparently all us fatties look the same and you can't tell by my id card I used to check in that I've been here already this week.

 Some places are better then others, Curves has been a great place to work out, but the gym here is free and has a lot more machines, so co-ed it will have to be.  I know it seems like the overweight of America have been doing a lot of bitching lately, and a lot of what I've written have been frustrations I've come up against, but that's not what this blog will be about.

 My goal is just to record my fight.  To share my frustrations in trying to get healthy, the good, the bad and the nasty comments from medical professionals.  My goal is to be happy, healthy and a new me, whatever that takes.  I hope whoever reads this finds some humor and inspiration for themselves, so come along with me on this journey and see if I can make it til the end. And feel free to tell me about your own journeys, maybe we can be there for each other.