Well as much fun as being sick, having sick children, getting through my husbands tonsilectomy and deviated septum repair, and gaining back everything I'd lost has been over the last few months I thank god its over. Its been rough for the longest time and I finally am getting ack to taking care of myself. Part of that is getting back on the road to recovery and working through my addiction to bad food and an unhealthy lifestyle. Its nearly spring and I'm ready to shake off the winter blues and get back to being myself again cause I miss her, we used to be such good friends and now we hardly see each other anymore. I've been trying to hide inside myself and keep me locked away from the world but today I finally decided that as big as my behind as gotten, hiding it is like trying to camoflauge a flamingo and about as pointless!
Last night we watched a movie with the kids and I was silly and danced around the living room because I liked the music and it was a happy moment. It felt great!! Its something I used to do a lot of as silly as that might seem. But I'm here to be honest and admit to myself that I like dancing around my living room and I used to do it everyday, just put some music on and let loose. Its a great way to shake off the stress of the day and just be in my body which is something I struggle with a lot. AS heavy as I've gotten its hard to feel comfortable in my body so I live in my head a lot of the time. That disconnect is a huge roadblock in my recovery because I have to be physically connected with my body if I have a chance at this.
Its hard on me to identify myself in a physical way. I've always been much more proud of my mind, even before I got heavy, it was my mind that received the most praise. So over the years I kind of moved into my brain and let the rest of the space in myself fill with junk, like a hoarder I've overfilled that space to the point that its not really livable anymore. Its time to clean out the clutter, move back into that space and make it livable again. I've stalled out in so many areas of life that I really feel that getting my self in order will bring the rest together. It all starts with me right!
Today I am this overweight person. I have a long road to walk to get to being a healthy weight person. But I've stepped back on that road and taken a few steps. This heavy woman likes to dance alone in my living room with the music turned up and from now on I don't care who can see me through the windows!!!